Cherish the Moments
Category: Caregiving
Positive Peer Re-Enforcement
I have a resident that is so soft spoken it is almost impossible to understand what she is saying.
In the past when she spoke it was completely undistinguishable. Even speech therapy had stopped working with her.
However, her roommate is very patient with her. She coaxes and encourages her to speak in a manner that is kind and caring.
Lately, I’ve noticed that this sweet lady is speaking more distinctly and louder.
It’s amazing what a little encouragement and love can accomplish.
What positive re-enforcements have you seen from peer interaction?
Breaking the Ice with Dementia
I have several patients that most staff and visitors are scared to approach. This is mainly due to their disability or behavior.
However, I’ve determined to get to know these residents and spend time with them.
So what have I learned? What are some ways to break the ice with dementia patients?
- This takes time
- Slowly, but surely we both warm to one another
- Touch shows I care
- Music is a great way to break the ice
- Even short visits show I care
- I need to genuinely care
- Speak with the family to learn about this person and their life
- Find one thing we can bond over {each person is different but there is something}
- This takes time
- I can’t rush the process
- Don’t give up
How have you broken the ice?
Alzheimer’s Perception of Situation
We have a resident that is well over 100 years of age. Although she has dementia, she also has lucid moments. Recently, I stopped in to visit with her and had a conversation we’d never had before.
Me: “How are you?”
Her: “I’m sad.”
Me: “Why are you sad?”
Her: “Someone was talking about me.”
Me: “What did they say?”
Her: “I don’t know but I didn’t like it.”
This was a reminder that even when we think an individual with dementia or Alzheimer’s does not know what we are saying, there are times when they do understand.
Even if they do not understand the words they may understand in a number of other ways.
This can include:
- Tone of voice
- Touch
- Look on our face
- Attitude toward that individual
- Perception
What ways have you noticed an Alzheimer’s individual is perceptive to their situation?
Caregiver Ten Commandments
I came across these Ten Commandments for Caregivers online. The author is listed as unknown. However, I felt that it was important to share with you dear readers.
Caregiver Ten Commandments
–Unknown
I Thou Shalt not be perfect or even try to be.
II Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people
III Thou shalt sometimes leave things undone
IV Thou shalt not spread thyself too thin
V Thou shalt learn to say “NO”
VI Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy support network
VII Thou shalt switch thyself off and do nothing
VIII Thou shalt not even feel guilty for doing nothing or saying “NO”
XI Thou shalt be boring, untidy, inelegant and unattractive at times
X Especially, thou shalt not be thine own worst enemy, but be thine own best friend
Which commandement do you struggle with the most?
7 Ways to find Caregiving Help without Breaking the Bank
Caregiving can be exhausting and we all need a break. There is no way a person can be a caregiver 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 365 days. If so they will become very isolated and depressed.
But, when you live on a budget, where do you find caregivers to help without breaking the bank?
- Siblings—ask your siblings to step up to the plate and help out. Every family is different and
Don’t be afraid to ask for help depending on how many siblings you have the chance for a break is greater for some people than for others.
- Adult children—if you have adult children {or even grandchildren} ask them to come and help you. Helping provides a greater understanding for what you are dealing with on a daily basis and more support.
- Neighbors—if you are friends with your neighbors ask them if they would mind helping.
- Friends—ask friends to come and visit and help out.
- Church members—ask friends at church if they would be willing to help out
- Ask for references—ask your friends and neighbors if they have any suggestions for an experienced caregiver that can help out. Many have been caregivers or are caregivers and may be able to refer someone that has experience and are affordable.
- Caregiving agencies—most caregiver agencies will come and sit for a minimum of three hours. Even if you hired someone to come once a week for three hours this will provide a much needed break.
How do you find caregiving help? Which of these have worked best for you?
7 Ways to Get a Break from Caregiving
As a caregiver, often one can feel isolated and cut off from society. You discover you need time for yourself and a break from caregiving.
So what are some ways to reconnect with society and friends while also helping yourself?
- Go out to lunch or a cup of coffee with a friend—having time with a friend is much needed and is a great break from your duties, as well as catching up with others.
- Have a shopping date with a friend—even window shopping allows time for a break.
- Get a job—I have a friend who cares for her husband. For a break, she works for four hours a day three days a week at a local supermarket. Her daughter sits with her husband so she can help. This lady has expressed what a huge help this is to just get out of the house and away.
- Go to church or a Bible study
caregiver need to care for themselves - Take a class—often libraries, community centers and local colleges/universities offer a wide range of classes that are either free or affordable. These can be anything from a one to two hour class to meeting for six to twelve weeks at a time.
- Volunteer—many places are looking for volunteers that are dependable. Be up front about what time and hours you are able to offer.
- Join a club—find a book club, gardening club or another group with an interest you enjoy. Ask your friends and church members or search on a website such as Meetup.com
- Bonus—Go see a ball game or enjoy a concert.
How do you get out for a short time period?
7 Benefits of a Caregiver Support Group
Caregiving is stressful. Each caregiver deals with the stress in different ways, but the one thing that is evident is that it takes a toil on the mind, spirit and often even the body.
As an Activities Director I see this stress in a variety of different ways every day.
So I searched for an answer and decided to start a support group.
What are the benefits of a support group?
- A listening ear—we all need to vent and get our feelings out. This provides a safe place to release all of the frustration and tension that builds up.
- People that understand—the people there are in the same circumstance and know how you feel.
- A friendly smile—we all need a friendly smile and comforting nod.
You Are Not Alone in your journey - An outing—a chance to get out of the house for a short time
- Resources—other caregivers can provide resources that have been helpful to them to research and use.
- Tips and Suggestions—again, those in the support group can provide tips and suggestions to help with issues and frustrations.
- Opportunity to brainstorm—this group provides an opportunity to brainstorm for issues on how to overcome an obstacles or frustration.
- Bonus—New friends—this group provides you with the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends.
As a caregiver, I strongly encourage you to search for a caregiver support group in your local area. If one is not available, then start one.
What benefits have you found in a support group?
Cherishing the Moments
There are times when I get tired of being a caregiver, but I remind myself to cherish the moments. The day will arrive when I will no longer have my loved one.
So what are some ways to cherish the moments:
Listen to what they have to say
- Discuss their lives—this is difficult as they have less to say; but often we listen to descriptions of the book my grandmother is reading
- Listen to memories and family stories
- Put away devices—my grandmother doesn’t understand the computer and iPhone. While we can’t put them away completely; we do try to designate time without them each day/visit
- Enjoy the time together—for us this often involves just taking a ride or sitting quietly
- Celebrate Christmas—I have a friend whose has a parent that was only given a few months to live. Knowing the parent would not make it to Christmas, they celebrated early. {This could also work for other special events or holidays}
How do you cherish the moments?
Pause, Praise and Pray
“I go to work to get away.” A lady in the support group I lead admitted rather sheepishly.
Caring for a loved one is very tiring and trying. A loved one with Alzheimer’s, that needs constant supervision, is even more of a trial.
Caregiving cannot be a lone support. Don’t be afraid to admit you need help and to ask for it.
We all need a break. Whether it’s to work, to go shopping, to do something special for ourselves or be pampered. Don’t be afraid to get away.
No one can go 24/7 without becoming exhausted, depressed and eventually physically ill.
I enjoy reading the blog Living in the Shadows of Alzheimer’s. While documenting her life with her husband that has Alzheimer’s, Sherri often reminds herself {and her readers} to take time to Pause, Praise and Pray.
How do you take time to pause, praise and pray?
Caregiving Monday: Thank a CNA
Do you have a loved one in a nursing facility?
Take the time to thank a CNA {Certified Nursing Assistant}. While everyone’s job is important and the facility should work as a team, the CNA’s take on the bulk of the work for a fraction of the cost.
I often hear frustrations over how long it takes to answer a call light or about a need. In my position, I can listen but I do not have the skills to assist with activities of daily living {such as dressing, toileting, etc}.
While there are some CNAs that may not pull their weight, the majority of CNAs work hard. They often have ten or more residents to care for at a time.
So the next time you visit your loved one I encourage you to take a moment to thank a CNA.
How has a CNA helped you?
3 Everyday Lessons for an Alzheimer’s Caregiver by Kathleen Brown
Today, I am thrilled to welcome Kathleen Brown to Caregiving Monday. She is going to share lessons she has learned from being an Alzheimer’s Caregiver. This seemed very apropos today, because Wednesday is World Alzheimer’s Day. Welcome, Kathleen!
3 Everyday Lessons for an Alzheimer’s Caregiver
by Kathleen Brown
I discovered Mom had Alzheimer’s during a September trip. September. Its flower is the forget-me-not; its gemstone, the sapphire. Sapphires were
once associated with clear thinking. As I began caring for Mom, in the house where I grew up, I hoped the clear thinking part was for me.
If you’re an at-home caregiver, you know it presents unique challenges. My first weeks with Mom felt like one emergency after another; I was on adrenaline overload. Then I began noticing the miracles: tiny ones (finding one of Mom’s shoes in the trash can), and huge ones (Mom suddenly agreeing to a long-needed bath). Feeling the Lord’s presence and help, I calmed down and began to learn. Fear not—you’ll see miracles, too.
Three of the Biggest Everyday Lessons
#1-You always have options.
In the beginning I thought there was only one right way to accomplish any care task. Wrong. There will always be more than one way to do what you need to do. Finding the best way, however, means we must look at all the options.
Example: Doctor to Mom: “Exercise.”
Mom to doc: “No.”
Solution: Two carts at the mega-store. While Dad shopped with one, Mom used the other like a walker, happy to stroll with me all around the store.
#2-Be ready to laugh.
Laughing in the face of Alzheimer’s is absolutely necessary for survival. The day Mom opened her mouth and I saw her dentures were in upside down, I smiled when I wanted to cry. After I fixed them, I laughed. Her poor gums were no longer being bitten by false teeth! Humor is an invaluable companion in caregiving.
#3-You will make it, even through the most difficult times.
When you need strength, you’ll have it. When you need words, they’ll come to you. When there’s nothing you can do to help your loved one, she will, against all odds, help herself. I can’t tell you how it happens—who can explain a miracle?—but I can tell you that resolution
always comes. Expect it.
Expecting solutions widens your field of vision. You’ll find resources and strategies you won’t see if your eyes are closed in despair.
We hope effective treatments for Alzheimer’s will come—someday. Ways to cure and even prevent it. Until then, our peace will be in knowing we can help our loved ones through it. We can.
Kathleen Brown is a writer, speaker, and firm believer in everyday miracles. The author of A Time for Miracles: Finding Your Way through the Wilderness of Alzheimer’s, she focuses her work on needs of at-home Alzheimer’s caregivers. You can reach Kathleen through her blog, www.hopeandhelpforalzheimers.wordpress.com, or by email to http://kbrown.writer@gmail.comkbrown.writer@gmail.com.
All pictures courtesy of Pixabay.com and are free creative commons pictures
Beware of those Taking Advantage of the Elderly
In the process of moving my grandmother, we came across a couple who at first appeared to be very helpful and considerate. However, the more time spent together the more we discovered how much they were attempting to take advantage of the situation. Even when boundaries were set in place they attempted to cross over these boundaries.
They were very good at what they had done and we heard enough tales from others to discover this couple had their act down to a science.
Thankfully we were there to protect and watch out for my grandmother. However, dealing with these individuals was a great headache and very stressful.
Sadly, this couple is not alone and there are numerous individuals out there willing and ready to take advantage of the elderly in a variety of ways.
So how can we prevent this?
- Be aware of who the elderly are talking with
- Block soliciting calls
- Assist with their bills to make sure they are not sending money to scammers
- Be the front person for any transactions
- Instruct your elderly parent not to allow strangers in the house
How have you protected your loved ones from being taken advantage of?
We All Need Someone to Listen
Caregiving can be very trying at times and we all need someone to listen.
We all need someone with whom we can share both our frustrations and the funny moments.
Now that my grandmother is living with Mama, we discover the need to share and vent has become even more important.
At least once a week, I’ll receive a text or call from Mama to share her conversations.
Two of these sound something like the following:
“It’s 6:30 and she’s pulled the shade down. Never mind that it’s still light outside.”
“Mama had a frosty for lunch. I said, “I guess you don’t want any ice cream since you had a frosty” tonight. She said “I can eat a little. The frosty was for lunch.”
Sometimes it’s the small things we need to share. That’s okay.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone?
Who listens to you?
Caregiving Monday: When a parent moves in
Recently we moved my grandmother in with Mama. This is a learning process for everyone involved.
Finding time alone is even more difficult. Even if Mama goes back to her bedroom, my grandmother will come to check on her if she’s back there for more than a few moments.
Trying to explain that she needs time to herself goes unheeded. So what do you do when a parent moves in?
However, there are ways in which we can receive help.
- When I’m in town I’ll take my grandmother off on errands or to ride through the countryside for a while
- Mama and I will run errands together, which gives us time to talk and share
- I’ll stay with my grandmother, so Mama can run errands
- We ask friends {from time to time} for help
- We hired someone to take her to church and doctor appointments {this also helps Mama so she does not have to take more time off work}
How have you dealt with a parent moving in with you?
Alzheimer’s Patients Don’t Like to Be Alone
While working with dementia and Alzheimer’s patients over the years, I’ve noticed most of them don’t like to be alone. This could be because of the confusion the disease creates.
Sometimes the disease demands they are not alone because of their actions, also.
However, some of the reasons I’ve noticed this are:
- Need reassurance not alone
- Need reassurance someone cares about them and loves them
- Need guidance to know what’s next
- Need comforting when they are confused
What reasons have you noticed in Alzheimer’s patients that don’t like to be alone?
Caregiving Can’t Be a Lone Sport
“I can do it alone.” I’ve often heard this from caregivers. They think they can do it all alone.
However, we can’t!
I recently heard a story from a woman that had a stroke in her early 20s. Her husband insisted on caring for her by himself for the next twenty years. He refused to accept help from anyone. Now they are divorced and to receive the care she needs, she is in a nursing facility.
Remember:
- Caregivers cannot carry the burden alone.
- We all need time to rest and recharge our batteries.
Often we hear of the caregivers that pass away long before the one they are caring for. This is because they wear themselves out.
As caregivers we need to:
- Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.
- Develop a schedule and strategy that will work.
- Bring in or hire a team that can support you.
- Explore your options and local resources.
- Take time for ourselves
- Remember we need a team or village
How do you prevent from making caregiving a lone sport?
10 Benefits of Hospice
Recently, I’ve learned of several families that placed a loved one in hospice.
This is never an easy decision. There’s no easy way to prepare for this.
However, I’ve worked with hospice on numerous occasion.
Some of the benefits of hospice are:
- Helps in decision making
- Offers support groups
- Offers spiritual support
- Certified and knowledgeable workers in the end of life stages
- Provides knowledgeable feedback
- Oversees the final preparations {such as contacting mortuary, having death certificate issued, etc.}
- Provides services to you at home, in a hospital, at a nursing facility or at their own facility
- Continues to care for your loved one through a decline—while usually this is for six months or less, at times their services extend beyond this time period. If the loved one improves they can be discharged and later readmitted when a decline reoccurs.
- Give the patient and their family a sense of dignity
- Respects the patient’s wishes
- Bonus: Lessens financial burden of being in the hospital
How has hospice been beneficial for you?