There are times when I get tired of being a caregiver, but I remind myself to cherish the moments. The day will arrive when I will no longer have my loved one.
Cheirsh the time you have together
So what are some ways to cherish the moments:
Listen to what they have to say
Discuss their lives—this is difficult as they have less to say; but often we listen to descriptions of the book my grandmother is reading
Listen to memories and family stories
Put away devices—my grandmother doesn’t understand the computer and iPhone. While we can’t put them away completely; we do try to designate time without them each day/visit
Enjoy the time together—for us this often involves just taking a ride or sitting quietly
Celebrate Christmas—I have a friend whose has a parent that was only given a few months to live. Knowing the parent would not make it to Christmas, they celebrated early. {This could also work for other special events or holidays}
Today, I am thrilled to welcome Kathleen Brown to Caregiving Monday. She is going to share lessons she has learned from being an Alzheimer’s Caregiver. This seemed very apropos today, because Wednesday is World Alzheimer’s Day. Welcome, Kathleen!
3 Everyday Lessons for an Alzheimer’s Caregiver by Kathleen Brown
Sapphires were once associated with clear thinking
I discovered Mom had Alzheimer’s during a September trip. September. Its flower is the forget-me-not; its gemstone, the sapphire. Sapphires were
once associated with clear thinking. As I began caring for Mom, in the house where I grew up, I hoped the clear thinking part was for me.
If you’re an at-home caregiver, you know it presents unique challenges. My first weeks with Mom felt like one emergency after another; I was on adrenaline overload. Then I began noticing the miracles: tiny ones (finding one of Mom’s shoes in the trash can), and huge ones (Mom suddenly agreeing to a long-needed bath). Feeling the Lord’s presence and help, I calmed down and began to learn. Fear not—you’ll see miracles, too.
Finding the best way, however, means we must look at all the options.
Three of the Biggest Everyday Lessons
#1-You always have options.
In the beginning I thought there was only one right way to accomplish any care task. Wrong. There will always be more than one way to do what you need to do. Finding the best way, however, means we must look at all the options.
Example: Doctor to Mom: “Exercise.”
Mom to doc: “No.”
Solution: Two carts at the mega-store. While Dad shopped with one, Mom used the other like a walker, happy to stroll with me all around the store.
Laughing in the face of Alzheimer’s is absolutely necessary for survival
#2-Be ready to laugh.
Laughing in the face of Alzheimer’s is absolutely necessary for survival. The day Mom opened her mouth and I saw her dentures were in upside down, I smiled when I wanted to cry. After I fixed them, I laughed. Her poor gums were no longer being bitten by false teeth! Humor is an invaluable companion in caregiving.
When you need strength, you’ll have it.
#3-You will make it, even through the most difficult times.
When you need strength, you’ll have it. When you need words, they’ll come to you. When there’s nothing you can do to help your loved one, she will, against all odds, help herself. I can’t tell you how it happens—who can explain a miracle?—but I can tell you that resolution
always comes. Expect it.
Expecting solutions widens your field of vision. You’ll find resources and strategies you won’t see if your eyes are closed in despair.
We hope effective treatments for Alzheimer’s will come—someday. Ways to cure and even prevent it. Until then, our peace will be in knowing we can help our loved ones through it. We can.
In the process of moving my grandmother, we came across a couple who at first appeared to be very helpful and considerate. However, the more time spent together the more we discovered how much they were attempting to take advantage of the situation. Even when boundaries were set in place they attempted to cross over these boundaries.
Beware of those out to take advantage of the elderly
They were very good at what they had done and we heard enough tales from others to discover this couple had their act down to a science.
Thankfully we were there to protect and watch out for my grandmother. However, dealing with these individuals was a great headache and very stressful.
Sadly, this couple is not alone and there are numerous individuals out there willing and ready to take advantage of the elderly in a variety of ways.
So how can we prevent this?
Be aware of who the elderly are talking with
Block soliciting calls
Assist with their bills to make sure they are not sending money to scammers
Be the front person for any transactions
Instruct your elderly parent not to allow strangers in the house
How have you protected your loved ones from being taken advantage of?
After leaving an abusive marriage, I moved home with my mom. I’m not alone, more and more children are moving back in with their parents. The reasons for this is as vast as the ocean.
This gave us the opportunity to heal both old and new wounds.
However, living with a parent is not easy, when you move back in as an adult.
Some lessons to remember:
This is an opportunity to get to know one another
Once a mother, always a mother—even when you don’t want to be mothered
Set boundaries for all involved
Define each person’s responsibilities
Use this opportunity to heal old wounds
Get back to your roots to discover who you really are at heart
Family knows you better than anyone
This is as big a transition for our parents, as it is for us
No one loves you the way a parent{s} can
What lessons have you learned from living with parents?
