I came across these Ten Commandments for Caregivers online. The author is listed as unknown. However, I felt that it was important to share with you dear readers.
Caregiver Ten Commandments
–Unknown
Ten Commandments for Caregivers
I Thou Shalt not be perfect or even try to be.
II Thou shalt not try to be all things to all people
III Thou shalt sometimes leave things undone
IV Thou shalt not spread thyself too thin
V Thou shalt learn to say “NO”
VI Thou shalt schedule time for thyself and thy support network
VII Thou shalt switch thyself off and do nothing
VIII Thou shalt not even feel guilty for doing nothing or saying “NO”
XI Thou shalt be boring, untidy, inelegant and unattractive at times
X Especially, thou shalt not be thine own worst enemy, but be thine own best friend
When I was in an abusive relationship my mental wellness was in a very dangerous place. There was so
Some situations are so intense it is difficult to process it in the mind
much stress and emotional upheaval that my mind had a difficult time processing the rate at which events and situations changed. This enhanced other disorders such as binge eating, anxiety attacks, and depression.
Since leaving this situation I’ve worked hard to find and maintain mental wellness and am thankful that I am a much stronger person today. However, that does not mean that there are not still moments when I struggle with PTSD or not being in control.
Even though I was unaware of it at the time all of this was part of my mental well-being.
Mental Health is important to how we deal with and process life situations
Mental wellness is classified as “a person’s condition with regard to their psychological and emotional well-being.” Wikipedia added the following to the definition, “the absence of mental illness.”
According to the Mental Health Organization, “mental health includes “subjective well-being, perceived self-efficacy, autonomy, competence, inter-generational dependence, and self-actualization of one’s intellectual and emotional potential, among others.”
Some of the conditions that are recognized as mental illnesses include:
Anxiety or Panic Disorders
Anxiety Disorders is one condition considered a mental disorder
Mood Disorders such as depression
Psychotic disorders such as hallucinations or schizophrenia
Eating Disorders such as anorexia, bulimia and binge eating
Personality Disorders such as split personality, paranoid personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder
Impulse Control disorders
Addiction disorders such as drugs and alcohol, shopping, or relationships
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders
Obsessive Control Disorders
How do you calm yourself to have a healthy balance?
So why is mental health important? Because as described by the author at Wikipedia, “mental health may include an individual’s ability to enjoy life, and create a balance between life activities and efforts to achievepsychological resilience.”
Do you have a balance between life’s activities and the efforts to mentally process situations life throws your way?
Caregiving can be exhausting and we all need a break. There is no way a person can be a caregiver 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for 365 days. If so they will become very isolated and depressed.
But, when you live on a budget, where do you find caregivers to help without breaking the bank?
Siblings—ask your siblings to step up to the plate and help out. Every family is different and
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
depending on how many siblings you have the chance for a break is greater for some people than for others.
Adult children—if you have adult children {or even grandchildren} ask them to come and help you. Helping provides a greater understanding for what you are dealing with on a daily basis and more support.
Neighbors—if you are friends with your neighbors ask them if they would mind helping.
Friends—ask friends to come and visit and help out.
Church members—ask friends at church if they would be willing to help out
Ask for references—ask your friends and neighbors if they have any suggestions for an experienced caregiver that can help out. Many have been caregivers or are caregivers and may be able to refer someone that has experience and are affordable.
Caregiving agencies—most caregiver agencies will come and sit for a minimum of three hours. Even if you hired someone to come once a week for three hours this will provide a much needed break.
How do you find caregiving help? Which of these have worked best for you?
Emotional wellness is a part of wellness that previous generations used to “push under the rug”.
Understanding our emotions leads us to emotional wellness
Often it is difficult to understand why we feel the way we do about something. This often means we have to dig deep and keep digging to get to the root of an issue or problem.
There are can both positive and negative feelings, but understanding our triggers or why we feel that way helps us to better understand ourselves and needs.
For those struggling to lose weight, longing for a healthy relationship or struggling to get out of debt understanding our triggers can be very beneficial.
Emotional wellness is learning how to deal with our emotions or feelings in a positive light and not to allow situations depress us or sabotage our goals.
What is your greatest struggle with emotional wellness?
As a caregiver, often one can feel isolated and cut off from society. You discover you need time for yourself and a break from caregiving.
So what are some ways to reconnect with society and friends while also helping yourself?
Go out to lunch or a cup of coffee with a friend—having time with a friend is much needed and is a great break from your duties, as well as catching up with others.
Have a shopping date with a friend—even window shopping allows time for a break.
Get a job—I have a friend who cares for her husband. For a break, she works for four hours a day three days a week at a local supermarket. Her daughter sits with her husband so she can help. This lady has expressed what a huge help this is to just get out of the house and away.
Go to church or a Bible study
caregiver need to care for themselves
Take a class—often libraries, community centers and local colleges/universities offer a wide range of classes that are either free or affordable. These can be anything from a one to two hour class to meeting for six to twelve weeks at a time.
Volunteer—many places are looking for volunteers that are dependable. Be up front about what time and hours you are able to offer.
Join a club—find a book club, gardening club or another group with an interest you enjoy. Ask your friends and church members or search on a website such as Meetup.com
Exercise is part of the plan for physical wellness…
Physical wellness is one of the most talked about aspects we discuss in our society.
Every one wants to look like the super models on the cover of magazines.
Here at The Wellness Life, we are not concerned with looking like a supermodel. However, we are concerned with being physically fit. The goal is to have a healthy body from the inside out.
healthy foods and nutrition is another important component to being physically healthy
This means learning to exercise and gain strength, eating nutritionally rich foods, being in comparitively good health and being at a relatively healthy BMI.
I’ll admit that I struggle with physical wellness and if you followed my journey on my main site at DianaLeaghMatthews you will have seen that struggle. I’ll share more with you dear readers as we move forward.
What is your greatest struggle with physical wellness?
Caregiving is stressful. Each caregiver deals with the stress in different ways, but the one thing that is evident is that it takes a toil on the mind, spirit and often even the body.
As an Activities Director I see this stress in a variety of different ways every day.
So I searched for an answer and decided to start a support group.
What are the benefits of a support group?
A listening ear—we all need to vent and get our feelings out. This provides a safe place to release all of the frustration and tension that builds up.
People that understand—the people there are in the same circumstance and know how you feel.
A friendly smile—we all need a friendly smile and comforting nod.
You Are Not Alone in your journey
An outing—a chance to get out of the house for a short time
Resources—other caregivers can provide resources that have been helpful to them to research and use.
Tips and Suggestions—again, those in the support group can provide tips and suggestions to help with issues and frustrations.
Opportunity to brainstorm—this group provides an opportunity to brainstorm for issues on how to overcome an obstacles or frustration.
Bonus—New friends—this group provides you with the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends.
As a caregiver, I strongly encourage you to search for a caregiver support group in your local area. If one is not available, then start one.
There are times when I get tired of being a caregiver, but I remind myself to cherish the moments. The day will arrive when I will no longer have my loved one.
Cheirsh the time you have together
So what are some ways to cherish the moments:
Listen to what they have to say
Discuss their lives—this is difficult as they have less to say; but often we listen to descriptions of the book my grandmother is reading
Listen to memories and family stories
Put away devices—my grandmother doesn’t understand the computer and iPhone. While we can’t put them away completely; we do try to designate time without them each day/visit
Enjoy the time together—for us this often involves just taking a ride or sitting quietly
Celebrate Christmas—I have a friend whose has a parent that was only given a few months to live. Knowing the parent would not make it to Christmas, they celebrated early. {This could also work for other special events or holidays}
Welcome to The Wellness Life. This is a new series I am excited to begin on Tuesday’s.
Eight years ago, I was in the middle of an abusive situation. I had been completely stripped down from the self-confident woman I’d been years earlier to an emotional and physical wreck.
In January 2009, I returned to my family and began the process of rebuilding my life. This was a long process and in some areas I still have many miles to go.
That is why living a life of Wellness is so important to me. Not just in one area of our lives, but in all areas of our lives. Often you will see six or seven areas of life wellness, but while thinking about it I came up with 12 different areas for us to focus on.
I have some of these areas in which I’ve made much progress, but many others in which I have struggled, stumbled and failed more than I’ve succeeded. However, I refuse to give up believing that one day with God’s help I will reach that area of wellness.
So what are those areas in The Wellness Life:
Physical
We all need a life of wellness
Emotional
Mental
Spiritual
Financial
Creative
Social
Relationships
Intellectual
Occupational
Environmental
Rest and Relaxation
Over the coming weeks we will take an in-depth look and definition of each of these areas for a life of wellness.
Where do you struggle the most in your wellness life?
“I go to work to get away.” A lady in the support group I lead admitted rather sheepishly.
Take time to Pause, Praise and Pray
Caring for a loved one is very tiring and trying. A loved one with Alzheimer’s, that needs constant supervision, is even more of a trial.
Caregiving cannot be a lone support. Don’t be afraid to admit you need help and to ask for it.
We all need a break. Whether it’s to work, to go shopping, to do something special for ourselves or be pampered. Don’t be afraid to get away.
No one can go 24/7 without becoming exhausted, depressed and eventually physically ill.
I enjoy reading the blog Living in the Shadows of Alzheimer’s. While documenting her life with her husband that has Alzheimer’s, Sherri often reminds herself {and her readers} to take time to Pause, Praise and Pray.
CNAs are there to assist the nurses and help with activities of daily living
Take the time to thank a CNA {Certified Nursing Assistant}. While everyone’s job is important and the facility should work as a team, the CNA’s take on the bulk of the work for a fraction of the cost.
I often hear frustrations over how long it takes to answer a call light or about a need. In my position, I can listen but I do not have the skills to assist with activities of daily living {such as dressing, toileting, etc}.
While there are some CNAs that may not pull their weight, the majority of CNAs work hard. They often have ten or more residents to care for at a time.
So the next time you visit your loved one I encourage you to take a moment to thank a CNA.
Today, I am thrilled to welcome Kathleen Brown to Caregiving Monday. She is going to share lessons she has learned from being an Alzheimer’s Caregiver. This seemed very apropos today, because Wednesday is World Alzheimer’s Day. Welcome, Kathleen!
3 Everyday Lessons for an Alzheimer’s Caregiver by Kathleen Brown
Sapphires were once associated with clear thinking
I discovered Mom had Alzheimer’s during a September trip. September. Its flower is the forget-me-not; its gemstone, the sapphire. Sapphires were
once associated with clear thinking. As I began caring for Mom, in the house where I grew up, I hoped the clear thinking part was for me.
If you’re an at-home caregiver, you know it presents unique challenges. My first weeks with Mom felt like one emergency after another; I was on adrenaline overload. Then I began noticing the miracles: tiny ones (finding one of Mom’s shoes in the trash can), and huge ones (Mom suddenly agreeing to a long-needed bath). Feeling the Lord’s presence and help, I calmed down and began to learn. Fear not—you’ll see miracles, too.
Finding the best way, however, means we must look at all the options.
Three of the Biggest Everyday Lessons
#1-You always have options.
In the beginning I thought there was only one right way to accomplish any care task. Wrong. There will always be more than one way to do what you need to do. Finding the best way, however, means we must look at all the options.
Example: Doctor to Mom: “Exercise.”
Mom to doc: “No.”
Solution: Two carts at the mega-store. While Dad shopped with one, Mom used the other like a walker, happy to stroll with me all around the store.
Laughing in the face of Alzheimer’s is absolutely necessary for survival
#2-Be ready to laugh.
Laughing in the face of Alzheimer’s is absolutely necessary for survival. The day Mom opened her mouth and I saw her dentures were in upside down, I smiled when I wanted to cry. After I fixed them, I laughed. Her poor gums were no longer being bitten by false teeth! Humor is an invaluable companion in caregiving.
When you need strength, you’ll have it.
#3-You will make it, even through the most difficult times.
When you need strength, you’ll have it. When you need words, they’ll come to you. When there’s nothing you can do to help your loved one, she will, against all odds, help herself. I can’t tell you how it happens—who can explain a miracle?—but I can tell you that resolution
always comes. Expect it.
Expecting solutions widens your field of vision. You’ll find resources and strategies you won’t see if your eyes are closed in despair.
We hope effective treatments for Alzheimer’s will come—someday. Ways to cure and even prevent it. Until then, our peace will be in knowing we can help our loved ones through it. We can.
In the process of moving my grandmother, we came across a couple who at first appeared to be very helpful and considerate. However, the more time spent together the more we discovered how much they were attempting to take advantage of the situation. Even when boundaries were set in place they attempted to cross over these boundaries.
Beware of those out to take advantage of the elderly
They were very good at what they had done and we heard enough tales from others to discover this couple had their act down to a science.
Thankfully we were there to protect and watch out for my grandmother. However, dealing with these individuals was a great headache and very stressful.
Sadly, this couple is not alone and there are numerous individuals out there willing and ready to take advantage of the elderly in a variety of ways.
So how can we prevent this?
Be aware of who the elderly are talking with
Block soliciting calls
Assist with their bills to make sure they are not sending money to scammers
Be the front person for any transactions
Instruct your elderly parent not to allow strangers in the house
How have you protected your loved ones from being taken advantage of?
Caregiving can be very trying at times and we all need someone to listen.
We all need a listening ear
We all need someone with whom we can share both our frustrations and the funny moments.
Now that my grandmother is living with Mama, we discover the need to share and vent has become even more important.
At least once a week, I’ll receive a text or call from Mama to share her conversations.
Two of these sound something like the following:
“It’s 6:30 and she’s pulled the shade down. Never mind that it’s still light outside.”
“Mama had a frosty for lunch. I said, “I guess you don’t want any ice cream since you had a frosty” tonight. She said “I can eat a little. The frosty was for lunch.”
Sometimes it’s the small things we need to share. That’s okay.
Recently we moved my grandmother in with Mama. This is a learning process for everyone involved.
The time has come for a transition in the life of our elderly loved one
Finding time alone is even more difficult. Even if Mama goes back to her bedroom, my grandmother will come to check on her if she’s back there for more than a few moments.
Trying to explain that she needs time to herself goes unheeded. So what do you do when a parent moves in?
However, there are ways in which we can receive help.
When I’m in town I’ll take my grandmother off on errands or to ride through the countryside for a while
Mama and I will run errands together, which gives us time to talk and share
I’ll stay with my grandmother, so Mama can run errands
We ask friends {from time to time} for help
We hired someone to take her to church and doctor appointments {this also helps Mama so she does not have to take more time off work}
How have you dealt with a parent moving in with you?
While working with dementia and Alzheimer’s patients over the years, I’ve noticed most of them don’t like to be alone. This could be because of the confusion the disease creates.
Those with Alzheimer’s are more perceptive than we give them credit
Sometimes the disease demands they are not alone because of their actions, also.
However, some of the reasons I’ve noticed this are:
Need reassurance not alone
Need reassurance someone cares about them and loves them
Need guidance to know what’s next
Need comforting when they are confused
What reasons have you noticed in Alzheimer’s patients that don’t like to be alone?
I often see on message boards questions about loved ones that are in the end stages of life.
Often this includes loved ones:
Those dying see a world beyond what the rest of us can see
Seeing people that others can’t see
Talking to people others can’t see in the room
Reaching up or out towards others
Making comments such as “He’s so beautiful” or “heaven is beautiful”
Mentioning loved ones long deceased
Even claiming to have a glimpse of heaven and sharing what was seen
Open eyes when in a coma and look straight up
Smile at an unseen entity
All of this is very common in the end stages of life. This is a time and occurrence that none of us are going to understand until we are there.
Just as the journey through life is different for everyone, the journey towards life in heaven is different for everyone.
However, I want to assure you that all of these situations mentioned are very common.
This is a time to love and comfort the person leaving us for a better place.
Remember, hearing is the last of our senses to leave us. Even if your loved one is in a coma they can still hear you.
We may not be able to see what our loved one sees, but we can be assured that angels and loved ones long deceased are with us and waiting to escort our loved one into their new home and to meet Jesus.
