I’ve always believe music is the universal language. Music can reach through time and cultural barriers to unite the listener.
Time and again I have worked with Alzheimer patients that are completely lost to the disease. Often the patient is unable to speak or move and has to have everything done for him/her.
However, I begin to play or sing a hymn or old song and I began to see a spark that wasn’t there before.
On many occasions these women and men, many who rarely speak, began to sing the words to the song or hymn being performed.
That song is reaching through the barrier of time to a memory deeply buried otherwise.
Music has the power to break through the barriers of Alzheimer’s and minister in ways we may not be able to.
In what ways have you seen music break through the barriers of Alzheimer’s?
Recently, another family member visited GG and while there assisted her with various tasks, including rolling her hair.
After the visit, GG confided that she appreciated all that was done but this family member was very rough. This person didn’t mean to be rough, but she didn’t realize how rough she was in her actions.
Senior Adults bruise easily
Senior adults are very sensitive and needs extra TLC.
There are two reasons I can think of for this:
Their skin is thin—this is often due to medicine and/or age. There may also be other reasons, but these are the two most common. This means that the senior adult bruises and bleeds much easier. GG medicine has thinned her skin and she easily bruises. Recently, she scraped her hand on the top of her hand leading to an open wound that had to be bandaged and cared for while healing.
Senior adults do not like to be rushed. They are not able to do things as fast as they once were. They have to do things in their own time and at their own speed. Being manhandled is not pleasant for anyone, but is even more traumatic for senior adults who have a low toleration for noise and being rushed.
Do you need to use additional TLC with your senior adult?
Your loved one will slowly decline and be able to do less than before. During these changes you will find yourself grieving, just as you will when death claims the patient. Allow yourself to work through the grief process and seek counseling if needed.
I’ve listed the five stages of grief here:
Shock and Denial—you don’t want to accept the decline or loss; possibly the change is so sudden you’re in shock
Anger—you find yourself angry at the changes in your loved one and situation. Your heart grieves for them.
Bargaining—you want to bargain with God or someone to make things better.
Depression—you’re depressed over the changes
Acceptance and Hope—you come to terms and accept the change or loss
The time may come when you need to move a parent or loved one in with you. Talk with your spouse and children about the situation. You need to take the feelings of anyone living with you into consideration. Do you have room in your house?
The lady I sit with is in a basement apartment of her daughter’s house. That works because she has her own personal space. When her daughter is off she can go upstairs for a break.
Will the loved one be right there all the time? Where will you go when you need to get away? Will the loved one have their own room or space? Remember s/he will also want/need their own space.
Other questions to ask may include: what safety precautions need to be made? how will this change our lives? how will this affect our routines? What does my spouse and children feel?
This isn’t a lighthearted decision to make. You will need to talk with everyone involved about all aspects of this situation. Don’t forget to pray about the best solution for you and your family.
Often it is difficult to know what to buy for senior adults. They seem to have everything they need or want. With Christmas approaching, we find ourselves asking, what can I purchase for Grandma, Grandpa, etc.
Several suggestions are:
Mints—GG* loves peppermints and goes through a handful a day. Each Christmas my brother gives her a huge box that last for the next year.
Kleenex—senior adults go through a number of Kleenex. Every time I prepare to do laundry for GG I have to go through all of her sleeves and pockets.
Bath Items—body wash and other items for bath are often big hits. I had one lady today request body wash.
Everyday items—whether it is denture tablets, eye glass cleaner, muscle rub, toilet paper, dish soap, or other standard items, these need to be replaced on a regular basis. Prepare a basket of all of your senior adults favorite items. One year my sister wrapped up a case of toilet paper and gave that to GG. If you’d seen GG’s face when she opened her present, you would think she’d just won the lottery.
Brighten it up and make it special for Grandma
Robes and Slippers—senior adults often stay cold and enjoy warmer items of clothing. Robes and slippers are great.
Blankets—blankets are great in the winter {and often even the summer} for staying warm.
Clothing—clothing needs to be replaced, as favorite items are worn out. Whether your senior adult dresses up every day, is in casual wear or in a nightgown, new pieces of clothing are needed throughout the year.
Calendars—this is a great way to keep track of the day and season. Add pictures of the grandchildren or great-grandchildren and you have a hit in your hands.
Collectibles—often senior adults have lifelong collections they have built up. GG collects lighthouses and we enjoy spoiling her and adding to her collection. However, make sure your senior adult is not currently downsizing.
Family Related—items that are family related are often a great hit, especially if they include the grandchildren or great-grandchildren. The options are endless but could include blankets, pillows, calendars, ornaments, family histories, framed pictures, etc.
What gifts do your senior adult enjoy receiving for Christmas? Why?
Giving up your independence is very difficult. The person is finding that they are unable to do things they’ve been doing on their own for most of their life.
Put yourself in their position and imagine how you would feel.
Try to be understanding
Do whatever possible to make the transition smooth
Caregiving is challenging on its own, but even more so when the person is not your family. You do not have the bond, connection and memories of the individual when they were younger and in the prime of their health. However, you can develop a bond with the person and family over time.
When caregiving for a family there are so many things to be taken into consideration. These factors usually boil down to the personality of each person involved. This includes various family members, the caregiver and the person being cared for.
Caregivers can easily become frustrated when they do not agree with the family or feel their expertise is ignored by the family. Some things to remember are:
Be compassionate
Show respect
If your opinion is asked, share in a non-confrontational manner but remember the final decision is not yours
Honor decisions made, even if you don’t agree
Don’t tell family members they need to do such and such for their loved one
Do you struggle with the slow decline of your senior adult?
Watching a parent age is very difficult. Gradually the parent loses his/her ability to do many things. This can include:
Loss of strength—maybe you have to open medicine bottles now, drink tops, etc.
Loss of mobility–is it more difficult to get around than it used to be?, does your loved one need assistance walking?
Loss of Senses–has the hearing gone?, is it more difficult to see?, are the taste buds disappearing?
Loss of Reasoning–is it more difficult to understand what is being said?, is it more difficult to comprehend circumstances?
Loss of memory—the memory begins to go and your loved one no longer remembers certain events. The hardest thing is when the loved one no longer remembers you.
Loss of independence—unable to drive, need help with bathing, etc.
Loss of dignity—needs help with bathing and toiletry. You may have to change their underwear while in bed. Take every effort to help your loved one keep their dignity. Don’t put them down. Refer to it as underwear instead of a diaper.
Caregiver burnout effects everyone at some point. We all need a break and there are options. Some of these are:
One fun activity at adult day care
Adult day cares—many community centers offer these. Visit to find out what they offer and a schedule that might suit you and your loved one
Day hospitals—provide medical care during the day and the loved one returns home in the evening
In-home respite—there are many agencies you can research that provide these services
Short Term Respite—many nursing homes, assisted living facilities and hospice provide short term care in their facility. This is great if you need a week to just get away, go on vacation or for emergencies. Research your options in advance.
Do you struggle to connect with your senior adult?
Put yourself in his/her shoes—try to understand the limitations and what the loved one is feeling
Celebrate their achievements—acknowledge and celebrate the small day to day abilities and challenges that are accomplished
Understand—understand what your loved one is going through; don’t push them to do things beyond their capabilities
Find nonverbal ways to communicate—let the person know you care through a hand on the shoulder, alternatives for communication, looking into their eyes, remaining calm, other ways to soothe or touch, etc.
Share memories—reminisce about events when you were younger and growing up
Hospice is a great resource when the time comes. They provide equipment, supplies and assistance at no charge. If you think you need hospice, I’d advice that you speak with your doctor about the manner. Hospice is usually called in with the decline of that patient from cancer, Alzheimer’s and other diseases. Your doctor or local hospice can give you more information.
Just remember to be thankful for all that the workers do and remember this is a free service.
Some of the assistance provided includes a nurse, social worker, aid to assist with bathing and other needs, religious adviser and prescriptions.
You can hire caregivers from an agency or on a freelance basis. Different individuals have different preferences. Personally, I prefer the freelance basis. That way if I don’t feel an assignment is a good fit, I have the choice to say no thank you and walk away.
Other people swear by hiring someone from an agency. You have to decide what you prefer.
Choose a Caregiver that meets your needs
There are pros and cons to either choice. Research your options to find the solution that will best fit your circumstances.
With an agency, caregivers are:
Licensed
Bonded
Insured
Often have workman’s compensation coverage
My best piece of advice is to interview the caregiver and make sure the individual is a good fit with you {you will essentially be the one in charge}, the person being cared for and the overall situation.
When you interview a prospective caregiver make sure you:
Make sure the caregiver’s physical abilities match your needs
Define the duties and expectations of the job
Feel comfortable with that person and leaving the senior adult with this person
There are a number of personalities and every person is different. Likewise every caregiving situation is different in some ways from all others.
Each person brings their own personality to the dynamics
One of the different things to keep in mind is the different ways the various personalities relate with one another.
In the case for my grandmother, she is very passive and we often wish she would be more vocal about her needs and wants. My mom is the peace maker and calm one. She keeps the peace. I’m the passionate one. I’m very protective and vocal when I notice an injustice or disservice towards my grandmother.
With the lady I sit with, there are three primary caretakers. The three of us are very different and diverse in our personalities, interest and attitudes. However, the three of us balance one another out. One characteristic that is a weakness to one person may be a strength to another.
When dealing with the loved one you’re caring for, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, friends or other people assisting with the care of your loved one, then you have to find the balance that works best for you. The one thing you want is to keep the environment calm and safe for your loved one.
Often I hear stories of the person receiving care being the volatile person. This makes the situation a lot more different. When I was caring for my ex-husband’s grandfather, there were times when he was never happy no matter what was tried. On more than one occasion I had the plate of spaghetti I fixed for his dinner thrown at the wall because he wanted to be contrary. This is difficult to deal with on a constant basis. Again the mix of personalities will dictate the best way to deal with this situation. All I can say is pray hard, remain calm, allow space if possible and seek help when necessary.
GG* has only one first cousin left on her mother’s side of the family. Recently, another first cousin passed away. GG’s first reaction was “I’m the oldest now.”
She said this with a badge of honor, that she was the oldest of the cousins. However, there was also the unstated statement of “I’m next in line.”
Although she did not verbalize this statement, it was obvious this statement was on her mind.
The older senior adults become, the more aware they seem to become of their own mortality. Some are more than ready to pass over when the time comes, while others are scared of fighting over.
I’ve discovered that many adults that have a personal relationship with Jesus are prepared for death, while those that do not have a relationship are scared.
However, there are also other factors that play into this feeling and belief. For each person that feeling and belief is different.
What is important is to have an understanding of your senior adults feelings towards growing older and their own mortality. Don’t be scared to ask why they have this feeling!
Do you struggle with providing transportation for your parents or spouse to doctor appointments while you are at work?
This is a great frustration for many and often means even more time off work.
Some suggestions are:
Family—do you have a family member that is not working or retired? Do you have a teen that is out of school for the
Ask A Friend or Find a Volunteer
summer or gets out early in the school year? If there is a family member that is available to take your loved one to their appointments this is the best option.
Ask a friend—is there a neighbor or friend that lives nearby and could help? Ask them if they would mind and offer to pay enough to cover their gas and maybe even a coffee or small snack for your loved one and the friend while they are out and about.
Hire a Teenager or Stay At Home Mom—when I was in high school, there was a lady that paid me to drive her to appointments. This was a great way for me to make money and stay out of trouble and it helped her meet a need.
Facility Buses—if your loved one is in a retirement center or nursing home, they often will provide transportation. You may have to pay, but just it could be a huge help instead of taking off of work. Check with the facility where your loved one stays.
Local Churches—most churches have buses that provide transportation to and from the church for services. Some churches also have a senior outreach program. Check with area churches to inquire if they have this
Find A Transportation Service for Senior Adults or Dial a Taxi for Senior Adults
program or anyone that could provide transportation for you {even if you have to pay}. I recommend starting with the church where your loved one and/or you attend on a regular basis.
Volunteer Drive Programs—there are local organizations that often have volunteers that provide needed services, such as transportation. Check with your local senior center to inquire about what services are available. Often these reservations need to be made in advance.
Door to Door Services—I often see escort drivers and services that provide transportation for the elderly on their outings. Again, check your local listings or with the senior center. Often these reservations need to be made in advance.
Taxicab—you could always hire a taxicab, although this may become costly.
Some cities have a Dial-A-Ride Program—check to see if your area has this and what the requirements are.
Public Transit—this is always an option, but depending on your loved ones issues and limitations, please take all issues into consideration before deciding on this option.
Resource Line—some cities have an Aging, Disability, and Caregiver Resource Line that can provide help and guidance. Once again, check in your local area to inquire about what is available.
Join the Conversation: What options do you use for transportation?
You’ve heard the saying, “there’s nothing like being a grandparent,” but I think it’s even more so for great-grandparents.
Take Time to Show Your Senior Adult How to Email
GG* adores her great-grandchildren, but they live two hours away. This often makes it difficult for staying in touch.
In this day and age of technology staying in touch is much easier than it used to be.
Some suggestions are:
Email—many senior adults are now on email and can send letters back and forth. If one party isn’t on email, perhaps a family member could email on their behalf.
Text—I’ve heard many grandparents say that the best way to stay in touch with their grandchildren is through text messages.
Facebook—this is one way to be able to see what is happening in your grandchildren’s lives and view pictures and updates.
Skype—this is a great resource and it’s free {you just need a camera on your computer}. This is a
Skype is a wonderful way to visit long distance
great option to be able to see one another and talk face to face when you can’t be together.
Talk on the Phone—this is always a great option. Even if it’s just a short weekly call to say hello, share news and say I love you. This can mean the world to senior adults.
Snail Mail—when all else fails, there is still snail mail letters that can be mailed back and forth.
Visits—of course face to face visits are always the best. Depending on the distance, even if you can arrange these for every few months to once a year, this is a great idea. Remember some senior adults can’t stand a lot of noise or prolonged company. If you live an hour or two away, planning to visit for 2-3 hours on a quarterly basis can speak volumes.
Join the Conversation: How do you stay in touch with loved ones?
